For These Things I am Thankful......

Jesus who saves us
God who loves us
Holy Spirit who convicts us

husbands who smell good (Obesssion -Yum!)
daughters who love me
parents who let me make mistakes
bosses who trust me
mother-in-laws who help me

laughing
crying
laughing til you cry

chocolate
Diet Pepsi
dumplins
diet dinners

health
my job
insurance

spell check
good books
music (especially the kind sung by my daughters)

doctors
teachers
preachers

freedom
grace
love

my life. simple and wonderful.

Wednesday

My friend Beverly's seizures have still not stopped. All the tests that the dr.'s have done are all within normal limits so they are chalking the seizures up to her family history of seizures. All the Dr. can do now is just control them with the right medications. She will hate the idea of taking medicine for the rest of her life possibly. She is very independent and headstrong and will not be thrilled at the additional fact that she will not be able to drive for a long time.

I see now that it was a blessing that she was here when she had the initial seizure. God was handling the situation....what if she had been home a lone or even worse, driving! The results would have been catastrophic. Thank you Lord for you hand in the situation.

We went to visit her last night and she was a little "drunk" from the medications. She kept us laughing the whole time but has no recollection of the visit today. I guess it's ok to laugh at the situation. (Hey it's better than crying!)

Went to lunch with a friend today.....and just didn't have enough time. Why is it that no matter how fast we talk we always have something left to say when it is time to go back to work?:)

Well I am supposed to be working so I guess I will put on a good show for the last hour. :) haha

To all who read this, Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving!

Scare at work

Today my friend Beverly had seizures at work and scared us to death. We had to end up calling EMS to come and get her to take her to the hospital.

It was a very strange ordeal and I will be curious to see what the dr.'s think is causing her problems. My layman's theory is that the fact that she has been not eating over the last three or four weeks has something to do with it. Your body will do all kinds of strange things when it is starved. I know she is not literally starving herself, but she is not eating near the amount that will keep her going. She has lost about 15 or so pounds lately. Some of it is due to stress about some other medical problems but the biggest part of her stress is lack of attention from her husband.

She passed out at home last night and cut her hand and she had to have stitches this morning. She is allergic to all the 'caines' used to numb wounds for repair so she had to get Benedryl into her wound to numb it. I believe it was the medication partnered with her out-of-balance system. Just my opinion.......

When she was in the midst of the seizures all the dr's in the clinic were with her and I felt so out of place. I just put my hand on her and cried out to God on her behalf. I wanted to literally cry out but I just prayed silently and earnestly. What do you do when you are physically helpless to assist?

Please keep her and her family in your prayers fellow believers. She is a good friend and I hate to see her go through this. I pray that God will teach her a lesson from this and that her husband's heart will be softened and he will yield to her cries for his attention.

Husbands love your wives!!!

PMS

PMS really sucks.

What I am really afraid of is that there is no such thing and this is really just the way I am. (I saw that on a plaque at CoachHouse Gifts)

Today I felt on edge and like everyone was pulling me in different directions and everyone was breathing just to annoy me. Why do hormones have such an effect on us?

I really try to keep it in because I know what I am feeling is unreasonable and crazy but sometimes it slips out!

Birthday

Today is my first born daughter's birthday. This time 11 years ago I was in the hospital in labor wondering when she was going to arrive. Would it hurt? What will it feel like? What will she look like? ( and I actually remember worrying that she would be ugly and people would still say "Aww what a pretty baby" and I would know they were lying!! She was so beautiful! The nurses even said she was prettier than most babies because she had eyelashes....big long eye lashes.)

In the blink of an eye I passed through the veil to parenthood, a lifelong journey I am taking with my husband and daughters. It is exhilerating and exasperating. It is exhausting and invigorating. It is wonderful and heartbreaking.

My daughter is so beautiful. Fair skin, dark hair, beautiful, deep eyes with long full lashes and lips to be jealous of. She is creative and full of emotion. She is hornery and thoughtful. She is growing so fast...not a teen not a little girl.

I am a she-lion and she is my cub. I would fight to the death for her.

Happy Birthday Carly

Things I love about my Hubby

I love how we met.... at a friend's house by chance. He had the feeling there was someone there he should meet.

I love it that we liked the same things when we met the first time.

I love it that I KNEW he was the one the first time we kissed.

I love it that he proposed at Christmas.

I love it that he can save money better than me.

I love it that he wanted to be a "girl dad" (We have two)

I love his lips.

I love his chocolate brown eyes. I especially like how they light up when he smiles.

I love his beard. ( I love men with beards!)

I love it that when he plays the piano he plays loudly! (At least I know he is at home with me)

I love it that he loves to play music with his friends.

I love it that he is a good story teller. The girls love his bed-time stories.

I love it that he will take time to color with our 5 year old.

I love it that his voice calms me down.

I love it that he can deal with our 10 year old with tenderness.

I love it that he takes/picks the girls up from school every day.

I love it when he comes to visit me at work.

I love it when he calls me and teases me.

I love it that he knows my bad habits and he loves me anyway.

I love it that he can read me like a book.

I love it that he is creative and sensitive.

I love it that he is funny!

I love it that he loves his mother.

I love it that we go to church together.

I love it that we like a lot of the same movies.

I love it that he cooks for us.

I love it that his hands are very soft now.

I love the way he whispers French in my ears and drives me mad.

I love it that he knows my secret pleasures.

I love it that he notices me and things about me.

I love that he sings Frank Sinatra tunes in the shower.

I love it that I know his secret pleasures.

I love it that he is mine.

I love it that God lead him to me.


I love my Hubby.

Party Day

Today my husband and his mother are sponsoring a party for our Sunday School Class. They had originally planned to have it at her house outside and call it The Carport Jazz Festival. (Very cute name I think) The weather is not cooperating and the alternative at their house was in the garage. That is all fine and good for adults, but with all the children we have we thought having it in the Fellowship Hall at church would be a better idea. It will be a little louder because it is so big and there is no carpet but everyone will feel more comfortable inside.

They also planned a "Feed the Band" supper so that will be fun. Hubby's Aunt Lil who owns a barbecue joint is catering. Aunt Dodo is coming to help G-mom get everything ready.

I love to be around the sisters when they are together. They laugh and sing ALL the time. They make you feel special and you know they love you and each other.

I look forward to this evening and hope everything goes well. I think all this planning and decision making has worn Hubby out. Since he has been sick he is not the most decisive person and this has really tried him.

We have two singers and two bands, a couple of people who are going to play guitar. It should be fun fellowship anyway.

Gotta run. Breakfast is ready!

Busy Monday

Wow Mondays are hard. I felt like I had to DRAG myself out of bed this morning. Hubby actually beat me up and he is rarely first-one-up these days. I was only 2 minutes late, so that was good. Good thing I live a mile away from work! haha

We have the opportunity to move back to my home town to life in Nan's house. I am torn about it.....I would love to have a newer home, be near my family, and be in a nicer neighborhood, and have a lower house payment. There are lots of pro's and con's...we have to talk more in depth about it later. I prayed hard about it today, begging God to help me and lead me and be very clear. Friend "C" plz pray for us. I want to do what is best for my family without taking advantage of the situation but I want a good deal on the house if we buy it. That's not wrong is it? I hate change sometimes.

Well I just got home at 8:15 from work/girlscouts/shopping for dance paraphenalia for Daughter #2 who is starting dance class tomorrow. (She looked so cute in her stuff!) Had to go to three stores including Super Walmart which I hate to get everything.....should have just started there in the first place.

I must go now I have something very important to do......

Lazy Sunday

This day was anything but lazy! Got up early to get Hubby and Daughter #1 ready to get going. Hubby had to be at church at 8am and Daughter had to be ready for a road trip by 8am.

I took advantage of the time and got lunch ready...totally ready by 9:30! Woohoo! (Don't get too excited, it was only potato soup.) We were having company over for lunch and I didn't want to spend all my time preparing when there was good visiting to do.

Hubby filled-in for a musician at a local church for a drama/musical they were having. It was really good. At the end they played a very dramatic song with sign-language interpretation and also played a couple of scenes from "passion of the Christ".

When I really take time to think about what Jesus actually did for us it just puts me in awe. He left Heaven to come to earth to try and show us how to live and how to love God and our neighbors. Why? Love. In the end isn't it love that really matters?

It sure isn't the worldly JUNK that fills this house. It isn't the junk we fill our minds with on TV. It isn't the clothes we wear, the friends we have or even the car we drive.

It is the things with eternal value that matter. Am I spending my time investing in things with eternal value? Not as much as I want to and not as much as I know I need to. Why? The world gets in the way. The world says I deserve a break today so I take it camped out in front of the TV or doing housework.

~Oh God please help me. Mold me and use me. Fill me up with your love so that when some one is near me they will see you shine through me. Help me to keep my eyes on you, my heart tender to your Holy Spirit, and my will conformed to yours. Help me to see the world for what it is: a temporary home. Thank you for my eternal home in Heaven. Thank you for my ticket in Jesus. ~

Yesterday we were at Nan's house cleaning out closets...actually my mother and my aunt were doing it, Cassi and I just happened to show up. We found a picture of my great great grandfather and it looked EXACTLY like my middle brother Tom. It was eerie! Exactly like him...facial expression, body type, everything! May have been a fluke because another picture doesn't look like him but how neat to see how his look passed on through generations.......Look at the picture attached; he is the one in the apron on the right of the photo.

It was neat to see all Nan's pictures. I had never seen them. I am going to thump her when I get to Heaven for not showing me them. They really were neat. There were very few of her. She was the third child and her father left them shortly after she was born, so they were very very poor during her up-bringing. I hope we get the chance to look at all her stuff and learn more about her. ( I hate it that we didn't take time to talk to her more about it. Anyone reading this please take the time to talk to your grandparents about what they know...you will cherish it when they are gone!)

Well this lazy Sunday is really a wonderful day. I am going to go enjoy it now!

Dad's Birthday

Today is my fathers birthday. He still has not made a public decision regarding rededication of his life to Jesus. I was encouraged however that he went to church Sunday to see my mother and her twin sister get baptized. The preacher's message was right on and very convicting, to me anyway, so I hope it made a dent in his heart.

I heard Adrian Rogers quote D.L. Moody yesterday: The world specializes in hardening hearts and God specializes in softening them. (Paraphrased)

Boy isn't that the truth. My dad and brother have really bought into what the world thinks they should be. They seem to me to be too afraid/proud to ask Jesus to meet them where they are and help them.

I hope and pray that I am soft enough to be molded. I know my righteousness is a filthy rag. Jesus plz cover me today. Strengthen and encourage me. Please let me know you love me today.

And now for something completely different: Our Drug Screens on Demand venture is off and running. We are official now, with a tax id#, accountant and checking account even!!! Lord please bless this venture. We have submitted it to your will and give you glory for all that will happen. Please watch over us, keep us alert and in tune with what is going on and and direct us.

I was up early because Cassidy was thrashing around and coughing all night. It was a long night.

Wow what a post. Wonder who reads this stuff besides me? And if anyone does read it doesn't it BORE you to tears? My life is pretty calm really. I love my life and I really love my husband and family. Thanks God.

Good morning, now let the stress begin. haha :)

Sweet November

Man, wasn't that a bad movie in the 90's?? Just awful.

I can't believe it is November already. I have not done any birthday shopping yet. One daughter's b-day is Nov 16th and the other is Dec 11th, so we have an expensive 2 months ahead of us!!

My almost 11 yr old is wanting to have a party so bad....and I am trying to encourage her to just have a regular party and not a slumber party. She really has a hard time at slumber parties. If the guests don't pay attention to her the whole time she gets upset and starts acting badly and that stresses me out. I want her to just have a party, eat cake, play and go home!

My 5 yr old is still little enough that a skate party will make her happy. She is finally big enough to do that so that is the tentative plan for her. I really like those parties....show up w/a cake and a birthday kid and you're done! They do all the rest. :)

It is a strange thing

mourning. The death of my grandmother has affected me worse than I ever dreamed it would. We had to wait 6 days for her funeral and it was the longest 6 days of my life. It was a logistical problem with the cemetery and the funeral home that held up the services. I think it was God. It gave time for my oldest cousin time to get home from a mission trip from Banglesh and hopefully time for my dad's heart to become tender to the conviction of the Holy Spirit.

I did not see Nan a lot, usually two or three times a month but I have just felt empty and lifeless this week. I tried to go shopping for a new outfit for the funeral and just couldn't do it. I feel on the verge of tears constantly and don't understand it. I know she is in Heaven, and that should keep me laughing for cryin out loud! (Maybe I am just hormonal)

I know I have to grieve in my own way and in my own time. I just never dreamed it would hurt so much. I am sad for my dad and his sister, and my middle brother and my mother. They helped her with her daily life; shopping, styling her hair for the weekend, yardwork, house hold repairs etc. They probably feel a hole much bigger than I do.

Life goes on and all that jazz.

Maybe if I could dream of her I would feel better. The only thing that helps right now is prayer, and that is always a good thing. God speaks to me in that still small voice and reminds me that He is with me and will carry me through this.

Nan's passport to Heaven

Tuesday, October 18, 2005 my Nan cashed in her ticket to Heaven. It was her most treasured possession. She has had it since 1929 and it was dog-eared with daily use.

She had surgery to remove a malignant tumor from her ovary and made it through the surgery with a few complications. Her doctor told us it was worse than we had originally thought because she had two tumors...the cancer had spread to the lower portion of her colon. No wonder she was having such a hard time and such pain!

The whole time the doctor was telling us of her options after recovery I was feeling in my soul that we would not even have to worry about treatment options. I knew that she was not going to see the next day. I knew when I kissed her sweet little face right before she went into surgery that it would be the last time I saw her alive. She was 92 years old for Heaven's sake....the surgery would be hard for a young person to go through, much less someone her age. But the risk of the surgery far outweighed the thought of her suffering and being in the pain she was in the rest of her life.

She died just like she would have wanted and just like we have always prayed for. She just went to sleep. Sometime between Recovery and ICU she took a down hill turn and was not able to recover. I think it was her heart because they had to give her 2 units of blood and I think it put her in to congestive heart failure....she just couldn't pump the blood effectively.

She had signed a DNR and had a Living Will and did not want any life saving measures. It was hard for her doctor to watch her die and agonizing for my family members who were there too. Her children were not present, only my two brothers their wives and my mother. I did not make it to the hospital in time either, and that hurt me so bad. I wanted to tell her not to stay here to go on to Heaven if she could, that we would be ok and we would see her again. I know she knew that but I was selfish and wanted to say it. Partly for my peace and partly for hers too.

She was an independent little woman who lived alone til the day she died. She didn't want any unnecessary help but did require some help with small daily tasks. She live simply and humbly, loving her family, and happily reconciled to her life. She had a wonderful lifesong and now it will sing through me by the things she taught me by the example of her life.

If anyone reads this please pray for my dad's rededication of his life to Jesus. His heart is at its most tender right now and I pray that this will be the day that he turns back to Jesus. My dad is a good man but just not living for God right now, and thinks that being a good man is enough. I adore him and prayed that if God has to break him to get through his tough exterior that it happen now.

I am really happy that Nan is in Heaven with Pap. She has been alone for 20 years without him. I know she longed to go home. When we told her we thought she would see 100 yrs she said, "I sure hope not, how BORING!!"

I believe she knew she would not make it and that may have been her way of controlling her death just like she controlled her life. She told my Dad right before they left for the hospital, "If I don't make it tell everyone that I love them and I will see them again in Heaven." I look forward to that day. I have my ticket already.

It was a good day because my Nan went to Heaven. I hope they have icecream in Heaven because my Nan loved icecream.

Freakishly Short Post

Wow! It has been a while since my last post. Been busy working, too busy to blog. No one reads this anyway, so who cares??

If there are believers out there reading this, please pray for my Nan. She is having surgery to remove a malignant mass from her ovaries next week. She is 92 years old and in relatively good health, but I am still scared for her. She is a believer and I don't worry about her salvation. She is a wonderful Christian example, and has been all my life. She was the one who took us to church when we were little children. What memories those are!!

Gotta run.....my daughters are still up and it is past 9pm. It will be another hard morning!

Freakishly Long List About Me

I was on-line last night just surfing through the blogs and found a site that had one of my favorite things to do on-line: a list of questions for the author to answer about themselves. "500 Things About Me" I thought I would try it and just see what all it illuminates about me. I may or may not put it on here since it is freakishly long, and may illuminate some of my bad habits, or just may be TMI (too much information!)

I know I know, who really cares about all these crazy things but me? You know what? It's my blog and you don't have to read it. Go ahead, push the "next blog" button.......

Oh, you're still here? OK. Here is some of the list:
001. What is your name: Suzanne
002. Spell your name backwards: Ennazus
003. Date of birth: Feb 24
004. Male or female: Female.
005. Astrological sign: Pisces (not that it matters)
006. Nicknames: Suz, SuBo
007. Occupation: Office mgr of a medical office
008. Height: 5-7
009. Weight: my drivers lic says 140. That’s my story and I’m stickin to it.
010. Hair color: Dark brown.
011. Eye color: Blue
012. Where were you born: Muskogee, OK
013. Where do you reside now: same
014. Age: 36
015. Screen names: Aunt Josefina
016. E-mail addy: confidential
017. What does your screen name stand for: My husband’s screen name is Uncle Joe after his Joe Passe guitar
so I thought of the female version of Aunt Josefina
018. Pets: one dog
019. Number of candles you blew out on your last birthday cake: That's the same as #14!
020. Piercings: ears only…one ear has two
021. Tattoos: None
022. Shoe size: 9 1/2
023. Righty or lefty: Righty.
024. Wearing: pink undies and white embroidered night gown….my fave.
025. Hearing: The quiet breathing of my sleeping daughter
026. Feeling: tired and sleepy
027. Eating / drinking: nothing, although now is a good time to take a break..

So there you have it. The first installment of "A Freakishly Long List About Me"

Casting Crowns

Splurged on a purchase for myself yesterday. Casting Crown's new CD: Lifesong. WONDERFUL!! They have done it again. I am amazed at the lyrics that Mark Hall writes. They are so insightful and convicting. I whole-heartedly recommend it for all!

Their concert schedule was included in the cd and they aren't even coming to Oklahoma.....we'll have to petition them to come I guess.

G-nite Moon

Die Monster Die!

I am happy to report the Laundry Monster has been conquered, and mostly disposed of. Small remnants remain to be put to rest tomorrow. Whew! What a job. Too bad it won't stay conquered for long. That's what I hate about laundry. The time that all of it is done is so fleeting......

Tick Tock

It seems the only time I have to write a post is Sunday night.

Everyone is cleaned up and relaxing in bed waiting to go to sleep. (Thank Heaven) It has been a busy day. My oldest daughter spent the night with a friend, went to church with her and played at her house after lunch. She came home exhausted and I made her go to bed early, otherwise we will pay for all the fun she had this weekend tomorrow morning when I try and get her up for school.

My five year old is running around the house in a leotard telling me she wants to be in gymnastics again, and she tells me, "Grandma will pay." So matter-of-factly. I would love for her to go back because she really liked it, but it is expensive, and right now we just can't afford it.

My husband is still waiting to hear about his disability. We have appealed his denial and pray that it goes through. We have made it the last year, but it has been hard. I won't lie. It has been hard on all of us. He has had to be more of a care-giver for the girls and it has been difficult for him because he gets so fatigued and I have had to take on more jobs and that isn't all that fun. I see why that women were not made to be head of household. I get emotional about everything and have to have a pity party occassionally and just get to feeling sorry for myself and my family. THEN I pray about it and just give it to God, and you k now what? I feel better. Sometimes after balancing the check book I don't know how we will make it to payday. One time this summer I prayed.."God I don't know how you are going to do it, I don't know where I am going to get the money for _____ this week. Please help us." and you know what? There was an anonymous note in my mailbox, mailed days before with a $100 bill in it. He knew my need before I did, and truth be told the money was in my mailbox as I prayed. I just burst into tears of thankfulness.
Everyday isn't like that and some days I wallow in my pity, but generally I am pretty reconciled to my life and my happiness.

I went to Webbers Falls, OK last night to hear my husband and the band he is in play for a little River Festival. It was informal and mostly secular music. They played contemporary Christian music and did a fine job. They really have fun playing and I enjoy watching them perform. ( I don't however like to hear them practice......) Their lead singer is having nasal surgery this week so they are taking a break. (Hubby says he will have more time to devote to helping out around the house now......yea!!! ) I got tickled at Sean, the lead singer, when they took the stage, he said, "And now for something completely different." (the preceding and proceeding bands all played country/Southern rock music)

Instead of blogging I should be in the living room conquering the Laundry Monster. There is a pile of clean clothes on my couch calling my name so I will conquer them now. I will. Here I go.............ok now here I go. really. yep. I am on my way in there to fold clothes now............g-night.

Weekend Update

Well our weekend is just about up. Sometimes I just hate 4 day weekends. They are nice, but everyone tries to cram so much into it you are worn out by the time you get back to work!

Tomorrow we are going to the Oldest Town In Oklahoma for lunch with my family.

I took off Friday from my regular job and went to anther part time job I have and then to work at my home based job so I really didn't have any time off at all. Saturday I went back to the part time job early in the morning to get as much done as I can which is hard. I go in at 6am and boy do I get sleepy! I have to get up and walk around sometimes to stay awake. I have the music going and I just sing to my heart's content and sometimes I even dance a bit. Wouldn't that be a sight to see for someone driving by?

There is a lady who always brings a trunkful of trash to (illegally) dump in the dumpster in front of the office I work at on Saturdays. She comes every Saturday about 8am. Her tags are from Arizona. She is very thin and doesn't have a lot of trash. I guess since thin people don't eat much they don't have a lot of trash either! haha I stood in the window and watched her. I have way too much time on my hands Saturdays at the office!

Today was church and believe it or not I actually got to take a nap.I fell asleep watching Alton Brown's Kitchen Remodel on the Food Network. He is my fav chef. I love his scientific explanations! My nap lasted until my 5 year old decides to drag out a toy that she just HAPPENED to desire to play with today. A BAG FULL OF MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS, PARTICULARLY A TAMBOURINE! Good thing I woke up and took away the thrill of waking me up. She hasn't even looked at those toys in a year and today the urge to play with them was just overwhelming I guess. What a little mischeivious thing she is. I do not look forward to adolescence.

I don't think I got all of my nap out so I am going to bed, but before I do I am hiding the tambourine. :o)

Hurricane Refugees Coming

I just heard that up to 5,000 refugees from Mississippi and Louisiana are coming to Camp Gruber in Braggs, OK. WOW!

Our Girl Scout troop will be getting together some supplies to help out. I wonder if our Super Walmart will be able to support the influx of people trying to help out and buy supplies? I am just glad our area has room for them to come. I know Muskogee County will help them out in any way we can. Oklahomans are very generous and want to help our neighbors. Good thing we have a Georgia Pacific in our town. They can donate some toilet paper, napkins and paper towels hopefully. Whitlock Packaging may be able to donate some juice, and Griffins may step up with some donations too.

I don't get to watch much TV because of my schedule (and the fact we only have one tv with cable so the girls watch Disney Channel alot) so I haven't heard as much as others have about the hurricane, but looting?? How crazy is that? I hear that the looters aren't taking necessities, but tv's, radios, etc. THey don't even have electricity and they just steal for the sake of stealing? It is a sad sad state.

I pray that we are able to recover from this. Unfortunately I think the New Orleans that we knew is gone. How could they possibly rebuild on the same ground?? They were so far below sea level, I am surprised it had not flooded before now.

My FIL/MIL have been in Houston and there were a lot of refugees at the hotel they were staying at. It must have not been that great of a place because they said the people were kind of scary. My MILbrought up a good point that I had not thought of. Some of these people they were seeing were probably on drugs and hadn't had a fix in a while, and no money to buy anything, and no prospects to find anything. That explains a lot about some behavior. They left the hotel they were staying at and came home for a break. They said they don't even care if they don't have a place when they go back for more treatments. Must have been pretty bad for them to say that. They don't have anything bad to say about many things.