Tuesday, October 18, 2005 my Nan cashed in her ticket to Heaven. It was her most treasured possession. She has had it since 1929 and it was dog-eared with daily use.
She had surgery to remove a malignant tumor from her ovary and made it through the surgery with a few complications. Her doctor told us it was worse than we had originally thought because she had two tumors...the cancer had spread to the lower portion of her colon. No wonder she was having such a hard time and such pain!
The whole time the doctor was telling us of her options after recovery I was feeling in my soul that we would not even have to worry about treatment options. I knew that she was not going to see the next day. I knew when I kissed her sweet little face right before she went into surgery that it would be the last time I saw her alive. She was 92 years old for Heaven's sake....the surgery would be hard for a young person to go through, much less someone her age. But the risk of the surgery far outweighed the thought of her suffering and being in the pain she was in the rest of her life.
She died just like she would have wanted and just like we have always prayed for. She just went to sleep. Sometime between Recovery and ICU she took a down hill turn and was not able to recover. I think it was her heart because they had to give her 2 units of blood and I think it put her in to congestive heart failure....she just couldn't pump the blood effectively.
She had signed a DNR and had a Living Will and did not want any life saving measures. It was hard for her doctor to watch her die and agonizing for my family members who were there too. Her children were not present, only my two brothers their wives and my mother. I did not make it to the hospital in time either, and that hurt me so bad. I wanted to tell her not to stay here to go on to Heaven if she could, that we would be ok and we would see her again. I know she knew that but I was selfish and wanted to say it. Partly for my peace and partly for hers too.
She was an independent little woman who lived alone til the day she died. She didn't want any unnecessary help but did require some help with small daily tasks. She live simply and humbly, loving her family, and happily reconciled to her life. She had a wonderful lifesong and now it will sing through me by the things she taught me by the example of her life.
If anyone reads this please pray for my dad's rededication of his life to Jesus. His heart is at its most tender right now and I pray that this will be the day that he turns back to Jesus. My dad is a good man but just not living for God right now, and thinks that being a good man is enough. I adore him and prayed that if God has to break him to get through his tough exterior that it happen now.
I am really happy that Nan is in Heaven with Pap. She has been alone for 20 years without him. I know she longed to go home. When we told her we thought she would see 100 yrs she said, "I sure hope not, how BORING!!"
I believe she knew she would not make it and that may have been her way of controlling her death just like she controlled her life. She told my Dad right before they left for the hospital, "If I don't make it tell everyone that I love them and I will see them again in Heaven." I look forward to that day. I have my ticket already.
It was a good day because my Nan went to Heaven. I hope they have icecream in Heaven because my Nan loved icecream.